All dressed up and no where to go

1. My car died
2. I couldn't pack my cube today due to ABF taking a snow day.
3. On monday when I have to load my cube it will be 7 degrees with a windchill of -20 something degrees.

Studying to get my license, applying to be a physical therapist, preparing to make my first major move, ending my last clinical, AND dealing with identiy theft all at once may be the end of me. I officialy hate the Milwaukee police department, my old apartment company and time warner cable. Seriously, none of this should be near as hard as they make it.

welston apartments: Why will it take you hours to search for my old lease? and why are you not optomistic? You just found it a few months ago. Do you believe in a filing system? Is my lease in a room filled wiht other random LEGAL doccuments?

Police department: Why can't you leave me a message about when I CAN call to make an appointment to file a report? or answer at least my questions? Why did you not tell me all the documents I needed when I started this mess? A message of "This line is monitored two shifts a day" without stating what shifts is not helpfull (left me this message twice, btw)

Time Warner Cable: Why don't your own employees know what to do in the case of fraud? Why did even the supervisor not believe me? Its a common thing, you may want to have some training.

And last but certainly not least...

Physical therapy, why does it cost me $400 to get my license when I am already $80,000 in for the education. Its just cruel.

I need to drink, but don't have the money to get drunk. Its a sad state of affairs I am in.

I may get a 2000 Solarace though. Lots of kinks and foot work for that too though. Of course.

Cooking thanksgiving dinner for my family. I am such a grown-up.

I have reached the halfway mark of my third and final clinical, it seems very unreal. Lately I have spent time driving near my old college neighborhood and running in my childhood neighborhood. Both remind me of weird things, things I haven't thought of in a very long time. Reminders of a long phone call turned fight, walking it off in the dark around Bethesda, scarring my parents. Thinking how much I honestly hated him, but how I loved him and would never find another. Going grocery shopping with another years later, thinking at 22 how domestic it felt and how I knew this was the wrong one.

An eternity later, I am moving in with a boy. I must say that is much more domestic than grocery shopping together. It still feels weird sometimes not to have a wondering eye or omit the "I have a boyfriend" detail. Things i would do even when I was mostly happy with others. It is so different to be content, satisfied. I still question things, normal worries I think. But I don't long for another so that must be a good sign.

I have a ton of paperwork to fill out for the first real job. It isn't that far away, but i can't imagine making as much as i am going to be. One paycheck will be more then what i have in my bank account right now. Its not like I will be rich, but I will be comfortable and not having to struggle.

Someone I hardly know on facebook had this as their status:


Have you heard about the changes their making to the whitehouse garden?? They are planning on removing it and putting in a watermellon patch.


And then i removed them. What the hell is wrong with people?

Yahoo news headlines right now:

• Americans celebrate Obama victory with tears and cheers
• McCain concedes defeat and congratulates Obama
• Obama vows to be president for all in acceptance speech
• Analysis: Obama saw opportunity, positioned himself to take it
• Democrats capture control of House by defeating incumbents
• Colo. and S.D. reject measures that could have banned abortions
• Obama's Kenyan family sings 'we are going to the White House'

I couldn't dream of better headlines, we have the power to make change happen. After Kerry i thought we were doomed forever. After drinking perhaps too much blue tequila and crying by myself in front of the speech, I head to bed.

Bed warm. Don't want to work at sentry and get yelled at about broasters. I almost have my fucking masters, degrading. I miss Ben. I miss having a home, sick of living out of boxes. Scarred shitless of a McCain presidency. if he wins it will almost surely be from fraud and republican criminals.

Enjoying time off before my clinical. Well, trying to a t least. I sometimes find long periods of downtime stressfull and at times depressing. Strange. I think I need to learn how to relax. I was telling Sonya and Ben I want to volunteer this summer and they both thought I was nuts. Today I went to a mini farmers market and now I'm going to ride my bike around the lake with some classmates (former classmates?). Friday Ben And I leave to drive to Pen state in efforts to find housing. Exciting, but we are both nervous. Ben's new boss paid for us to stay in a swanky hotel in State college. Should be fun, hope we survive our first big trip together and find a nice place.

It's been a long journey since this http://stardreamer9782.livejournal.com/2006/01/23/

But I finished my last final about ten minutes ago!!

Wow....

So Thursday night the Waukesha police department called my family to let them know that there have been a series of daytime robberies in the area and they should be careful. Friday morning, my sister was in the kitchen eating breakfast and heard the door knob rustling. She looked through the blinds to see a man in camo and a ski mask. The guy then runs away. My mom calls the cops and they send not one unit, not two units but in fact enough police cars that the court was blocked off. Apparently there were also canine units and a helicopter searching the area. The police made my mom open the garage while they had their guns drawn. They never caught the bastard. They think its a high schooler. And then today our neighbors got there car egged. What the fuck? Its scary to think what could have happened, especially if the guy was armed. My mom and sister have been joking about it, but tonight a car alarm went off and my mom freaked. My mom is trying to quit smoking, and this did not help at all. And of course, this all has to happen when my dad is gone on a training trip.

Ralph Nader.. seriously? I guess there is something to be said about guys who think outside the box and run even though they don't have a chance, I guess. I was going to compare him to kusinich, but I won't because I like Kusinich. Ralph Nader lost any thread of respect I had for him when he was supporting Edwards, "Because Edwards is the least corporate canidate". What the fuck???

I just emailed my boss of two years to tell her I will no longer be working the people she serves. I need to stop abusing my body, and this involves not manually lifting my client of 240 pounds.


I need to find another job..fast. Fuck.

I really hate Gulliani. He is so fucking crooked, how could anyone- even republicans-support him???

Also, what is with this new firefighters being spies thing? This country gets scarier everyday.












I should mention my client and I have recently fallen in love with Air america...

The last week has seen me completly broke. I don't mean low on money, I mean broke. My credit card company is riddiculous and took money out of my checking they shouldn't have. I authorized a sizeable payment in August over the phone with a man who spoke pretty bad english. The man asked me if I would like to split the rest of my credit card bill in two payments, I told him sure and he told me he would send me the bills. Apparently send me the bills in credit card land translates to "please take it out my checking". I feel stupid, because I did not notice when they took out the first payment, I thought my account was low but I am not excellent on keeping up on my balance. Especially when it was so high because of all my school money. This time I flipping noticed, because it sent my account negative. I talked to the company and they said they would refund me the second payment but not the first. This was a week and a half ago and after talking to a million people I should be receiving a check in the next couple days, fingers crossed. My account became more negative as bills went through and overdraft fees have added up. I talked to people at the bank and most of the fees should be reversed because it is not truly my fault the company did this to me. Sigh.

In the mean time I have really realized how much I spend on average and how consumer driven our culture is. I have only purchased 2 sodas and a couple of candy bars in the last week and a half. This was from scrapping together change and having to ease my pain of an awefull exam I did not do well on. Ben and Shelle have both bought me a few meals which makes me feel like shit. I hate being this place, its my own fault I know. I borrowed money from Todd for my cell phone bill because I didn't want money to come into Ben and I. I think he thinks I am silly in this sense, but it is my stubborn nature. Luckily I get paid tomorrow and hopefully I will get the money back from my credit card company tomorrow.

The van is also on its last leg. Ben is teaching me how to drive stick shift so I can maybe drive his car when I go on clinicals. This isn't something I asked him to do or would ever expect him to do. Again, my stubborness makes this difficult for me and he doesn't really understand. I try to explain I don't want to burden him with my money or car problems and that I don't want him to do anything he is not comfortable with. His response is always similar that he cares and is just trying to help. sigh. I can't believe he let me drive his car.

I feel helpless right now and can't wait for school to be done.

I also farted in front of Ben. I know this is too much information, but I have never done that in front of a guy I was dating.

I have a test tomorrow at 7:30am. Joy. I have "Red flags" floating through my head.

An example of such things:

Pyleonephritis (kidney infection)

Risk factors: Concurrent or recent UTI, Enlarged prostate, kidney stones

Signs and symptoms: Pain in posterior/lateral thoracic cage, fever, chills

Hmm yes, PT school. I feel like I am not learning what I want to be or need to be in my pediatric class. I am doing well in the class, but need more than "doing well" when I want this to be my career. I decided for once i would talk to my professor about it. She suggested I get in some additional observation in various settings. It looks as though I will be observing in the new children's hospital wednesday mornings in November. i will also most likely observe a few friday mornings in middleton. I may also visit the neonatal intensive care unit at St. mary's. This will eat up a lot of my time, but i need practical experience. More importantly I need a reminder that this schooling is taking me somewhere and that somewhere is where I want to go. The time thing will make my research experience more difficult to fit in, but I will just have to utilize my time better.

On a different note I will be in Cleveland this weekend for a wedding. Sleeping at Ben's parents. sigh. Have to fly. bigger sigh. It will be fun though. Ben was all sad because he had big plans of taking me to the Cleveland Symphony but they are on a european tour.

Its depressing to be barely scrapping by when you know is under two years you will be making more than you could have ever dreamed of. Not that I will be a billionaire or Doctor but I will be more than content.

Sigh.

I just realized the three guys I've ever dated have all had hazel eyes. I guess that was noteworthy enough to make an entry after such a long time. Trends are crazy things once you start looking for them.


I have to work all weekend and next weekend too. I have a test on monday and another of Friday.

I'm seeing Regina Spektor on Monday.

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Fat free italian

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. any pizza or cousins

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Blue plate dinner

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%, i have a tip card, ha.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. pizza, ice cream

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. cream cheese, brocoli, pinneapple, banna peppers, peporoni, fresh mushrooms (not canned)

Q. what do you like to put on your toast?
A: butter, eggs and cheese. i'm kind of a health freak...ha

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. grape bubble gum, haven't had it in years though.
____________________________________________________

TECHNOLOGY

Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. near 100 I would guess as well

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. not many, I go off of old emails. (shannon, we are the same person)

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. I just changed it to a wombat.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 1, it has turn dials. My parents house has 5.
____________________________________________________

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. I'm not a freak, right.

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. Um, according to ben, his opinion is as valid as any i supose, my cheeks and belly. Though these would be things I would list as hating.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. These stupid skin tags on my neck we thought was this wierd wrestler disease but turned out to be nothing. man that makes me sound nasty.

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. touch

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. I'm sure i have one now, but I have not been to the dentisit in a long, long time.

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. My client. Her lift sucks, so we do it manual style. she's has to weigh over 200pds.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. YES. Shannon threw me into an end table once when I was drunk, luckily i woke up.
__________________________________________________

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No, I freak out about death to much already.

Q. Do you believe in love at first sight?
A. no, inital attraction but not love

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Fran dresser

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. earthy stuff, browns and greens

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. at least one tooth, a million bugs from bike ridding.

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Only in theory

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Friends
____________________________________________________

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. sure, is this being offered?

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. hells yeah

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. ha ha, Tim from Brennan's

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. give me $20 and its a done deal

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I was supose to do this for a friend's magazine for free.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. sure. i took a swig of that super hot green shit for a dollar from my dad. this is a much better deal.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. no, i don't even think I could kill a deer.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. can i still watch the dvd box sets on my computer?
____________________________________________________

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: cellular telephone

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: The first time I saw it I liked it, but since then I have been meh about it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: no carpet in the condo, more like linnoleum

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: stand.. I love hot showers.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: um, I have before.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: A few, just read an article in the wisconsin state journal how you shouldn't wear them. my professor was quoted in it.

Q: Where were you born?
A. St. Joe, mo

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Not to long ago, my plates were suspended for a bad check my dad wrote like 10 years ago.

Q: What did you want to be when you grow up?
A: a house wife

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
A: Shanny
____________________________________________________

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last friend you talked to?
A: Amanda from class

Q: Last person you called?
A: my mommy

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Ben or the director of my camp
____________________________________________________

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7

Q: Color?
A: green

Q: Season?
A: fall or spring. Not summer, ugh too hot.
____________________________________________________

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: yes, shan

Q: Mood?
A: tired, kind of sore

Q: Listening to?
A: Animal planet on tv

Q: Watching?
A. see above

Q: Worrying about?
A: money stuff
____________________________________________________

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: work.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: not be at work

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: "The Godfather"

Q: Do you smile often?
A: yes, i sometimes sport the perma grin.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: yes

Q: Now that the survey's done what are you going to do?
A: put my client to bed.

Ugh. The last like 48 hours have been awefull. I hate working as much as I have been and still being broke. I have 5 dollars right now. I have a Sentry check coming, or rather it should be coming. They messed it up majorly when i worked thanksgiving weekend so now i get all freaked out if it doesn't come right away. I have a $15 check coming tuesday as well, but that's not much obviously. My big check comes next friday, but fuck after rent and bills I am back to nothing basicaly. If my sentry check doens't come by monday, I really can't even survive until friday. I hate being this broke, fucking grad school. I know Ben has offered to loan me money in the past, but I don't want that. I am way to fucking stuborn and its not fair to him. Borrowing more money from the folks, awesome. My car needs to be taken in badly, but alas the money thing. I have been eating so shitty and not working out at all. I feel like shit. I know I have gained weight and that this is not helping my blood pressure or anxiety. I hate living like this. I had a mini breakdown last night in my car on my way to a bachlorete party i ended up not going to.

Oh and my lab top fell out of my backpack yesterday breaking the latch and now it keeps turning offf spontaneouly. I hope my apple care covers it.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:
1. Are you in a relationship? Yes
2. Are you happy? Overall yes, I will be more so when I am done with this clinical
3. Are you bored? Sometimes, especially with school, but that is mostly burn out
4. Are you sad? Sometimes, I'm sad to be up this early and that it is raining all weekend
5. Are you German? yes, part
6. Are you Irish? no
7. Are you Asian? not last time I checked
8. Are you Mexican? no.
9. Are you African? No, why are all these questions about race?
10. Are your parents still married? My mom and step dad are.

TEN FACTS:
1. Hometown: waukesha
2. Hair color: Med brown, some red and blonish parts. It turns into a rainbow in the summer.
4. Hair style: wavy/curly shoulder length, messed.
5. Eye color: Brown, nothing exciting
6. Birthday: September 7th
7. Mood: tirred, lazy, bored
8. any people you love? yes, it would be sad if this is answered no
9. Lefty/righty: Righty, the way god intended us to be.
10. Height? not quite 5'0

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
1. Have you ever been in love? I thought so yes
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? no, attraction
3. Why did your last relationship fail? Basically I was in a wierd part in my life and we were too different I think
4. Have you ever been heartbroken? yes, of course
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? yes.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? Deffinently
8. what happened to number 8? it killed itself.
9. Have you kissed someone within the last week? yes, Ben last night
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer? No, but if it were secret who knows?

TEN THIS OR THAT'S:
1. Love or lust? both.
2. Hard liquor or beer? beer.
3. Cats or dogs? Cats
4: One best friend or many regular friends? Gotta go with both
5. Television or internet? Internet, I don't ever watch tv. Well, I am right now but I am not at home.
6. Pepsi or coke? coke.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Both, lately I have been more about the 2nd and turned off by the first
8. Black or white? Wearing black
9. Night or day? Day
10. AIM or phone? Either

TEN HAVE Y0U EVER's:
1. Been caught sneaking out? nope, never done it
2. Skinny dipped? no
3. Done something you regret? sure. it was called high school.<---- I like this answer, ha. but for me undergrad too
4. Bungee jumped? Hells no
5. Been on a house boat? no, sail boat though
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? Yes, I remember it being the big thing in like third grade
7. Wanted something so badly it hurt? yes
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? See the last question
9. Cried because you lost a pet? Yes, my Ho-ho like 2 months ago
10. Wanted to disappear? of course

TEN BASICS:
1. Real name: Amy Jan (oh so southern)
2. Nickname(s): Midget, Midge, Phipps, Phipps, Half shot, Yma, Ames
3. Zodiac sign: Virgo
4. Male or female: female.
6. Elementary school: Souix falls: Lowell Rapid city: Wilson, Meadowbrok Waukesha: Bethesda
7. Middle school: butler middle school.
8. High school: waukesha north.
9. Do you like your life? for the most part
10. Piercings and tattoos: Tatoo on my shoulder, no more ever. Three lobe piercings each side, two cartalidge. Had my nipple done twice, but it grew out both times :(